Thursday, January 11, 2018

Maya



The forces rise
And the demons hide
As I fight to let go.

Serpents inside
Leave me no choice
Encumber my ego. 

Need more time
To visualize 
The beauty inside, 
To quit or let go... 
Of greater feelings inside. 

To Name



A rose withered languidly
I searched for her curiousity
In my rain weathered pants

A nightingale calls me
To realms unbeknownst to me
And I answer in my simplicity
That I don't want to let go

But far away will I go
Away from languid poesy
To look for her gold and glory
Outside my charred and dithered room

When will she be mine
And when shall I sing my melody
And stop indulging needlessly
When all my teachers are gone
Except the north star
And a lighthouse burning bright. 

This story was told to me
In a jingle jangle rhyme
Someone else always calls me
And the serpent raises his head high. 

Mediocrity fools me
A co-dependence in mirth
Searching for answers in trust
And birdsong
I believe she will be mine. 

Ashamed am I of too many words
With too little meaning. 
But already the creator and the war
Fills me and goads me on
To some more. 

I don't care anymore 
For a dark and turgid melody
Self awareness calls me, 
She will go and I will be mine
In my own laboratory
Where forceful waves break
Against my skull
And there's no more thrust inside. 

Music, oh glorious music
You stare back with so much forceful pride
You are anybody's that seeks you out
And stares back bright.

In my eyes she shines
But little does she know her own meaning
Trapped in my ambitions bright.

Together we encompass the world 
And beat out sadness
But comfort seeks me
And I keep it in
For without sorrow love would be a sin. 

Enough foolish pride
I need to raise my head high
Everybody is going there
And I attract insults inside. 

The serpent, the hood, the shining star
And all that between
The universes are
In love I trust and not finality
My North Star goads me on endlessly. 

A hunger, a thirst and some skills
Are all that are needed for children to learn
What is hidden inside 
Music, melody and the makers mark
And self cajoling divinity. 

Sing it with me, 
May the light never leave me
And my glorious pride
To find a permanent mate
And answers inside

For those that seek beauty in every form and shape
And compensate none whatsoever
With intuitions inside,
This song is sung. 

For shame this world still slows down
But He rocks me on gently
Towards caffeinated delight.
I will never commit the same mistake twice. 

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

TONIGHT

I need a breath
To hold me in place
To signify the significance
Of every last embrace

I light up a fire
In my veins
Searching for guidance
In this disdain

Formerly Unqualified
Needlessly Volatile
I roam
Wandering the streets
Of Tonight
Where vultures crow
And dark is the night
I find my way home
On towards the Light


TOSHAM

Theatre

When one day falls
And another begins
There is an interim
Where all else fails

Continuation of the circle is just not perfect
And words fall short of the mark

Begin anew yet again
For without technology we would be
Eternally looking back
Toward our own bottoms which we cannot enjoy
In our own hands
But only in the other

When one day falls and another begins
Return to the night
When the young one was born
And scream sweet delight
For welcome home pain, duty and love
In the glowing rain of this perfect circle

When one day falls and another begins
Sing a song of caffeinated light
The evening sun enjoys
A little sunshine
Through the face
Of your own perfect child

TOSHAM

The Village

Unedited, un-ranked, majorly thwarted
These ranks of humanities strive
To create for themselves a better world

We of the new ways
Stick with our witty minds
And adhere to social norms
Of identification and demystifying
The unknown

For it is this we call the Village
On top of the pragmatic thoughts
Of the Creator
Which the world forgot
But He didn't.

TOSHAM


The Sea

Complete me
Said the sea
For one day
Seekers shall find me
Wanting you
For your gentle caress
Together forever
Defeating evil and disease
And preventing madness
The sea it boils down to you
Oh reader
Oh source of all life on Earth
For it is in you that seas are formed
And will be
Even after I am gone

TOSHAM


The Golden Chemise

I saw a feather,
It was light,
I couldn’t catch it
‘Coz it fights

I ate some bread
It was wholesome
But it made me fat
‘Coz I am loathsome

Running away from symphony
I tried to find my clues
In juice, junk and geometry
Until all my children
Learnt all they could

I could not emulate anyone
Even if I tried
His name was blazed
On an electric sky

I paid for those paupers
Who felt sheer delight
At the mention of his name
Under a dark blue sky
The destroyer seeks within me
To test my brain
Of habits destructive and
Feelings of pain

Strange sounds I hear
In the rain
From birds whose feathers
I fight in vain

The lamp was yellow
And bright his eyes
Golden browed and dripping
With sure surprise
Of bird songs never ending
On Lord Shiva’s sweet chemise.

TOSHAM


STAND

I stand alone
In the rain
Naked and shredded with pain
Too empty to be vain
And none whatsoever is my gain

Everything belongs to someone else
And dead are my desires
Yet I soar above the rest
Within my humble abode
I call the jest


TOSHAM

STAIN

I assume I have glory
But in vain
I search for the truth
In the falling rain
The crickets chirp my name
Quietly, so nobody but me,
Can hear I am sane.

Called out loud and
Forced me to shout
In this deep dark drought
I find a way out
Of this apocalyptic pain

Madness tries to defeat me
All glory is mine, it says
A prodigal son through
A prodigal daughter
We survive through aching gains
And prosper, for I was born a poem
And a poem I shall remain

Yet through this dark night I gingerly await
The footsteps and verdicts of those
Gone by without a second glance
At my state
For what is glory?
Without a little stain

TOSHAM


Solutions in Victory

There is a time when time stands still
When sleeping hordes awaken
To unravel the sleeping sea
There is a place where all suicide is pardoned
A wave that all sweeps
A vision that all unites
To let slip the vision of God

Do not illusion the time
By cowering with weak parishes
Do not pretend you don’t know
The money in diversity
And the hellish minds of the cities
Do not forgive the unforgivable
And pardon any mistakes.
Onward till the goal is reached
Armored, sharpened and rearing to go.


TOSHAM 

RESCUE

A lone leaf falls on the river below
A mynah bird praises the dawn
Life clutters in dismal agony
Stifling the last semblance of a song
Sung eternally well
By creatures unknown and prayed to
To forms well known and adjusted
Birds in a nest shift together unnecessarily
Bringing with it new beams of resurrection
For birds always come to the rescue
At the brink of dawn


TOSHAM  

Redundant

Fight, harder and harder
Until you come to a meeting point
Where your blade will be embalmed
To those saints who can’t help
But cause harm, understanding robes
And adore your shaking arms
Awash with pride and
Soothingly Calm
There is a buzzing in your ear
A long silence
Distributed evenly across your blade
This lies to you
And tells you why
You must always
Strike at the source
Or the devil in clever disguise
Will leave you repugnant
In a revolution’s eye
Shaping from within you
Toward the shiver
In her ever-shining eyes
Lost in sympathy
In a system so masculine
Bearing the drudgery
Of her long lost pride

TOSHAM 

NAKED PAIN

I Never be, ever, everywhere
Day and night
Forget and forgive and
Move on
For you jingle like a rhyme
Lost in reason and time
And move on
Like long forgotten friends
And fools we didn’t know
We were and existed

Luck follows no one but itself,
We must beg and be begged
For no luck exists
Without honest effort and
Greatness
Which is through gentle haste
Is blowing away our minds
From that state
Of nakedness

Away with beggars
Who can’t find their way home
And must rely on the ship of fools
To carry them there
Through stains and austere regret
I set foot on the notion of pain
Marketeers and mutineers everywhere
And not a bottle of the sane
Remains, nakedness and brokenness
Sudden death and chilli flakes
My idea of pain remains-
Soaked in tenderness and despair
Longing for a change
In a century long, old dame
Who for me flies out and finds
No other with my name



TOSHAM

LUMINOSITY

There is a tremendous upheaval within me
It is a desire to be enjoyed and enjoy
My pasts, my actions-
There is a tremendous attachment within me
To the faulty and the unheard of,
Disciplined and momentary luxuries are no more
Counted against my sins and secrets-
It is a joy that beholds us all,
My youthful innocence and musings
On the innermost recesses of my being;
Where does my heart lie and what does it stand to gain-
To produce that which I lack again and again
That which will need me the most;
I am a man, an animal in its most animalistic state.
To say I am a cannibal would be wrong
But there are certainties in others which I enjoy,
A new look, a fresh feeling, a great act.
That which I value the most is love
Toward the deity that created this thought
For it could only have been me and nobody else,
So where would this deity go if not
Straight back in its shell

In its shell lies an amusing song
Taken from places unknown and mystical
Where sadhu-babas throng to wrong
Those who have been strong;
A musing that I enjoy is also strong
For supple is the opposite of wrong
And as a man I once thought I could do no wrong.

I sit in a room where no wind blows
But my skin has weathered a storm
Of madness, incompatibility and sin
But I wash it all off with a song.
Where my shell is so strong
And I can do no wrong.

Wealth and prosperity comes to us all
For a light on the beaten path
Where eagles have soared
Centuries past
However it is rare to find in an animal’s song
It has to be victorious and kept free
To roam around and sniff out
This self-defeating charm
I am happy if happy I can be at all
Without this poison that unmakes us all

I lay waste to many pieces of a song
That flow like a river of blood
Through my veins into the heart of my big estate
Beyond the walls of which I do not taste or tempt-
Anyone else’s fate

Wrong is he who tries to be
And tries not to see
Anyone else’s shoes
For pain and repentance are crude
And privileged is he who can write as his heart desires
Most of which are co-conspirators of fame, name and gain
And dire this mystical desire of breaking free
Of this witty shellfish which most of the time
Makes no sense of itself
But goes on beating its own name
Against the fires that burn us all
In one maddening moment of torment
Rushing into its torrent
Proven too chaotic is a soul of markets
Or a market of souls
Where glasses are sold and milkshakes made
For little sleepy babes
To form their gentle caress
Against my skin
That weathers a storm
Today, tomorrow and again
To grow

TOSHAM


JUST LIKE THAT

I light up a cigarette
Just like that
To forget the misery
And the pain
Just like that
A freedom from the rain
An electric blue train
Just like that.

Is this a beginning or an end?
Or is it also
Just like that
Here I sit and learn
Through his reign
Just like that
Who are men and God?
And who is Mark Twain
Is it all in vain
Just like that?

I search for glory in rain
Which falls
Just like that
For those who appreciate pain
Just like that
It passes down from father to son
Just like that
Who will say I am sleepy now
Just like that
Yet it is time to sleep
Just like that
Whoever more I can bejewel
Her bedecked stain
For it lingers on momentarily
Just like that
It was passed down from
Mother to daughter
Just like that.

TOSHAM



Imperfection

Pain, Intoxication, lack of understanding
Resistance to reality
Guidance to the Devil
Forbearers of Evil
Nightmares and niceties of the civil
Thunder and Lightning in the sky
Mournful loss of hatred
Dyslexia of docility
In numerous women and their countless cries,
Nodding priests and wedding ties
Search for the sky in which
Birds fly and sing
Their titillating tune
And wonder
Why man is so imperfect
In the night
Where all Demons rise
And choke the blossoming seed
In its blooming sty

TOSHAM 

Faith

Pleased was I at my equilibrium
Through distortions I find a way straight
Tumbling through dark alleyways of hate
With the growing disdain on my face
Laid straight, I cannot concentrate
Walk properly or sit, pray
All through my veins runs a fox too cunning
To be near the blade of fate

I excuse it softly and it chases me away
From the truth that we share
As brothers in arms
For the beauty of the mistake
When there is too much at stake

To lie within the grace and graciousness
Of His snake, the maker and the all encompassing
Mistake
Pain, rain, gain, stain, main, juice
Try again. Ruin the blade, sing the pain
Away it goes to another day
Which calls again and fades away
In growing disdain
Of the folk, the rural and the urban state
On this plate
Laid straight, I cannot stay awake
For people cry and shake in loose
Buildings held together by golden faith


TOSHAM 

DARKNESS

Even when I breathe I don’t see the point in it
Even when I live I fail to cross my hurdles
Is this pain or the lotus palm I bear upon my soul?
For we are different you and I
And condescending our nature
Ours together will be the future if one might forget
Our inner nature
Trapped together with the creator
We drift toward that which is ours
And that which is asked of us
To do
No wrong and harm no Ram
Is He still our nature
Or did he steal the creator

How mythical and mystical is our generator
Without whom we shiver and shake because we think we are greater
Untitled our miseries be
For none who are greater than themselves
Who see this blood-line?
Upon our souls, ignorant as ever
Ever on toward the creator
Drift the long black lake which becomes greater
And starts to swim in your mind
The co-operator.

TOSHAM

Blue Glory

Love breaks and burns
Slashes and twists
Weaves its dismal agony around Him
But I wait and protect
In austere reject
For King and Country!
My respect
For who am I to tell
What is in this shell?
Of a broken hearted man
So near his demise
That he does not notice
His soiled chemise
And misused robes, rules and drawls
Channelling through me toward my sad device
Of saliva coated empathy
I ramble on swords
Mythical, mystical and divine
So far away from me
I cannot tell
Their spell
Has got a hold on me
Oh deep blue skies
Please open up for me and others
So we can fight
To believe in what is right
As a soldier approaches his death
In a battlefield of joy
Neither regret nor sorrow he feels for the Deepening
Blue skies
All around him are familiar cries
Of roads transferred to premise
Oh Blue Glory
Find me my time
And erase my bad memories
From my tummy, yummy, mummy
And return to me the soldier
Parched respect out of his suicide and solitude divine
For the world he believed in has died
And on to the next one he flies
Like tampons thrown in a dark light
Under a deep blue moonlit sky


TOSHAM

A Wreck-less Soldier Divine

Love lives are strange
They make you want
More and more gain
For where is the pain
When lust has begun
Its game

No miseries to behold
Or tame
I grin at the chagrin
At the mention of her name
Through psychotic lunacy
I reign quietly, steadily and simply
Within my castle walls of shame

Love breathes in its sweet lullabies
Once again, I look, yonder, at having slain
The last red book of pain
Accumulated in the terrain
And awaiting in the rain
That touches me in places profane

I linger on momentarily for her gaze
That lights me ablaze
There is so much to seek
And so little I find
That one grows disdain
In this aching rain
I can’t stop it even if I wanted to
Your pleasure, your pain, is mine

My glory and my reign peaks with you
Sitting atop my chair
And speaks to you
Never doubt me oh Holy one
For what I feel is real pain
It just comes and goes again

All through the night,
In the fading light
Of century old monoliths
Gathering rust, dust, decay and time
For we want to feel
Eternally beloved,
That which we have created
To lose his life
And survive under His gaze
In His name and reign

Hear my rage, my pain
And never stop me again
For I’ll beat it out of you,
With a stick so divine
That was so prejudiced all the time

He will come bouncing off the walls and
Protect you from every insult
Uttered in His name
Oh His pretty wife
Christ, Allah, Shiva and pain
Make me shiver and cower in vain
In this dark sweet melody
Of this transcendence, hail!

Equality is sought by those
Waiting to pay attendance
At his doors
Which are open to all those
Boundless fools enjoying the mirth
Of a century old sore

Yours and yours only be he,
Through time and torture
His methods have taught me
To be brave and conquer
The memory of His demise
Through time and torture
I form into a wreck-less Soldier Divine

TOSHAM