Maya

The forces rise

And the demons hide

As I fight to let go.

Serpents inside

Leave me no choice

Encumber my ego. 

Need more time

To visualize 

The beauty inside, 

To quit or let go... 

Of greater feelings inside. 

To Name

A rose withered languidly

I searched for her curiousity

In my rain weathered pants

A nightingale calls me

To realms unbeknownst to me

And I answer in my simplicity

That I don't want to let go

But far away will I go

Away from languid poesy

To look for her gold and glory

Outside my charred and dithered room

When will she be mine

And when shall I sing my melody

And stop indulging needlessly

When all my teachers are gone

Except the north star

And a lighthouse burning bright. 

This story was told to me

In a jingle jangle rhyme

Someone else always calls me

And the serpent raises his head high. 

Mediocrity fools me

A co-dependence in mirth

Searching for answers in trust

And birdsong

I believe she will be mine. 

Ashamed am I of too many words

With too little meaning. 

But already the creator and the war

Fills me and goads me on

To some more. 

I don't care anymore 

For a dark and turgid melody

Self awareness calls me, 

She will go and I will be mine

In my own laboratory

Where forceful waves break

Against my skull

And there's no more thrust inside. 

Music, oh glorious music

You stare back with so much forceful pride

You are anybody's that seeks you out

And stares back bright.

In my eyes she shines

But little does she know her own meaning

Trapped in my ambitions bright.

Together we encompass the world 

And beat out sadness

But comfort seeks me

And I keep it in

For without sorrow love would be a sin. 

Enough foolish pride

I need to raise my head high

Everybody is going there

And I attract insults inside. 

The serpent, the hood, the shining star

And all that between

The universes are

In love I trust and not finality

My North Star goads me on endlessly. 

A hunger, a thirst and some skills

Are all that are needed for children to learn

What is hidden inside 

Music, melody and the makers mark

And self cajoling divinity. 

Sing it with me, 

May the light never leave me

And my glorious pride

To find a permanent mate

And answers inside

For those that seek beauty in every form and shape

And compensate none whatsoever

With intuitions inside,

This song is sung. 

For shame this world still slows down

But He rocks me on gently

Towards caffeinated delight.

I will never commit the same mistake twice. 

TONIGHT

I need a breath

To hold me in place

To signify the significance

Of every last embrace

I light up a fire

In my veins

Searching for guidance

In this disdain

Formerly Unqualified

Needlessly Volatile

I roam

Wandering the streets

Of Tonight

Where vultures crow

And dark is the night

I find my way home

On towards the Light

TOSHAM

Theatre

When one day falls

And another begins

There is an interim

Where all else fails

Continuation of the circle is just not perfect

And words fall short of the mark

Begin anew yet again

For without technology we would be

Eternally looking back

Toward our own bottoms which we cannot enjoy

In our own hands

But only in the other

When one day falls and another begins

Return to the night

When the young one was born

And scream sweet delight

For welcome home pain, duty and love

In the glowing rain of this perfect circle

When one day falls and another begins

Sing a song of caffeinated light

The evening sun enjoys

A little sunshine

Through the face

Of your own perfect child

TOSHAM

The Village

Unedited, un-ranked, majorly thwarted

These ranks of humanities strive

To create for themselves a better world

We of the new ways

Stick with our witty minds

And adhere to social norms

Of identification and demystifying

The unknown

For it is this we call the Village

On top of the pragmatic thoughts

Of the Creator

Which the world forgot
But He didn't.

TOSHAM

The Sea

Complete me

Said the sea

For one day

Seekers shall find me

Wanting you

For your gentle caress

Together forever

Defeating evil and disease

And preventing madness

The sea it boils down to you

Oh reader

Oh source of all life on Earth

For it is in you that seas are formed

And will be

Even after I am gone

TOSHAM

The Golden Chemise

I saw a feather,

It was light,

I couldn’t catch it

‘Coz it fights

I ate some bread

It was wholesome

But it made me fat

‘Coz I am loathsome

Running away from symphony

I tried to find my clues

In juice, junk and geometry

Until all my children

Learnt all they could

I could not emulate anyone

Even if I tried

His name was blazed

On an electric sky

I paid for those paupers

Who felt sheer delight

At the mention of his name

Under a dark blue sky

The destroyer seeks within me

To test my brain

Of habits destructive and

Feelings of pain

Strange sounds I hear

In the rain

From birds whose feathers

I fight in vain

The lamp was yellow

And bright his eyes

Golden browed and dripping

With sure surprise

Of bird songs never ending

On Lord Shiva’s sweet chemise.

TOSHAM

STAND

I stand alone

In the rain

Naked and shredded with pain

Too empty to be vain

And none whatsoever is my gain

Everything belongs to someone else

And dead are my desires

Yet I soar above the rest

Within my humble abode

I call the jest

TOSHAM

STAIN

I assume I have glory

But in vain

I search for the truth

In the falling rain

The crickets chirp my name

Quietly, so nobody but me,

Can hear I am sane.

Called out loud and

Forced me to shout

In this deep dark drought

I find a way out

Of this apocalyptic pain

Madness tries to defeat me

All glory is mine, it says

A prodigal son through

A prodigal daughter

We survive through aching gains

And prosper, for I was born a poem

And a poem I shall remain

Yet through this dark night I gingerly await

The footsteps and verdicts of those

Gone by without a second glance

At my state

For what is glory?

Without a little stain

TOSHAM

Solutions in Victory

There is a time when time stands still

When sleeping hordes awaken

To unravel the sleeping sea

There is a place where all suicide is pardoned

A wave that all sweeps

A vision that all unites

To let slip the vision of God

Do not illusion the time

By cowering with weak parishes

Do not pretend you don’t know

The money in diversity

And the hellish minds of the cities

Do not forgive the unforgivable

And pardon any mistakes.

Onward till the goal is reached

Armored, sharpened and rearing to go.

TOSHAM 

RESCUE

A lone leaf falls on the river below

A mynah bird praises the dawn

Life clutters in dismal agony

Stifling the last semblance of a song

Sung eternally well

By creatures unknown and prayed to

To forms well known and adjusted

Birds in a nest shift together unnecessarily

Bringing with it new beams of resurrection

For birds always come to the rescue

At the brink of dawn

TOSHAM  

Redundant

Fight, harder and harder

Until you come to a meeting point

Where your blade will be embalmed

To those saints who can’t help

But cause harm, understanding robes

And adore your shaking arms

Awash with pride and

Soothingly Calm

There is a buzzing in your ear

A long silence

Distributed evenly across your blade

This lies to you

And tells you why

You must always

Strike at the source

Or the devil in clever disguise

Will leave you repugnant

In a revolution’s eye

Shaping from within you

Toward the shiver

In her ever-shining eyes

Lost in sympathy

In a system so masculine

Bearing the drudgery

Of her long lost pride

TOSHAM 

NAKED PAIN

I Never be, ever, everywhere

Day and night

Forget and forgive and

Move on

For you jingle like a rhyme

Lost in reason and time

And move on

Like long forgotten friends

And fools we didn’t know

We were and existed

Luck follows no one but itself,

We must beg and be begged

For no luck exists

Without honest effort and

Greatness

Which is through gentle haste

Is blowing away our minds

From that state

Of nakedness

Away with beggars

Who can’t find their way home

And must rely on the ship of fools

To carry them there

Through stains and austere regret

I set foot on the notion of pain

Marketeers and mutineers everywhere

And not a bottle of the sane

Remains, nakedness and brokenness

Sudden death and chilli flakes

My idea of pain remains-

Soaked in tenderness and despair

Longing for a change

In a century long, old dame

Who for me flies out and finds

No other with my name

TOSHAM

LUMINOSITY

There is a tremendous upheaval within me

It is a desire to be enjoyed and enjoy

My pasts, my actions-

There is a tremendous attachment within me

To the faulty and the unheard of,

Disciplined and momentary luxuries are no more

Counted against my sins and secrets-

It is a joy that beholds us all,

My youthful innocence and musings

On the innermost recesses of my being;

Where does my heart lie and what does it stand to gain-

To produce that which I lack again and again

That which will need me the most;

I am a man, an animal in its most animalistic state.

To say I am a cannibal would be wrong

But there are certainties in others which I enjoy,

A new look, a fresh feeling, a great act.

That which I value the most is love

Toward the deity that created this thought

For it could only have been me and nobody else,

So where would this deity go if not

Straight back in its shell

In its shell lies an amusing song

Taken from places unknown and mystical

Where sadhu-babas throng to wrong

Those who have been strong;

A musing that I enjoy is also strong

For supple is the opposite of wrong

And as a man I once thought I could do no wrong.

I sit in a room where no wind blows

But my skin has weathered a storm

Of madness, incompatibility and sin

But I wash it all off with a song.

Where my shell is so strong

And I can do no wrong.

Wealth and prosperity comes to us all

For a light on the beaten path

Where eagles have soared

Centuries past

However it is rare to find in an animal’s song

It has to be victorious and kept free

To roam around and sniff out

This self-defeating charm

I am happy if happy I can be at all

Without this poison that unmakes us all

I lay waste to many pieces of a song

That flow like a river of blood

Through my veins into the heart of my big estate

Beyond the walls of which I do not taste or tempt-

Anyone else’s fate

Wrong is he who tries to be

And tries not to see

Anyone else’s shoes

For pain and repentance are crude

And privileged is he who can write as his heart desires

Most of which are co-conspirators of fame, name and gain

And dire this mystical desire of breaking free

Of this witty shellfish which most of the time

Makes no sense of itself

But goes on beating its own name

Against the fires that burn us all

In one maddening moment of torment

Rushing into its torrent

Proven too chaotic is a soul of markets

Or a market of souls

Where glasses are sold and milkshakes made

For little sleepy babes

To form their gentle caress

Against my skin

That weathers a storm

Today, tomorrow and again

To grow

TOSHAM

JUST LIKE THAT

I light up a cigarette

Just like that

To forget the misery

And the pain

Just like that

A freedom from the rain

An electric blue train

Just like that.

Is this a beginning or an end?

Or is it also

Just like that

Here I sit and learn

Through his reign

Just like that

Who are men and God?

And who is Mark Twain

Is it all in vain

Just like that?

I search for glory in rain

Which falls

Just like that

For those who appreciate pain

Just like that

It passes down from father to son

Just like that

Who will say I am sleepy now

Just like that

Yet it is time to sleep

Just like that

Whoever more I can bejewel

Her bedecked stain

For it lingers on momentarily

Just like that

It was passed down from

Mother to daughter

Just like that.

TOSHAM

Imperfection

Pain, Intoxication, lack of understanding

Resistance to reality

Guidance to the Devil

Forbearers of Evil

Nightmares and niceties of the civil

Thunder and Lightning in the sky

Mournful loss of hatred

Dyslexia of docility

In numerous women and their countless cries,

Nodding priests and wedding ties

Search for the sky in which

Birds fly and sing

Their titillating tune

And wonder

Why man is so imperfect

In the night

Where all Demons rise

And choke the blossoming seed

In its blooming sty

TOSHAM 

Faith

Pleased was I at my equilibrium

Through distortions I find a way straight

Tumbling through dark alleyways of hate

With the growing disdain on my face

Laid straight, I cannot concentrate

Walk properly or sit, pray

All through my veins runs a fox too cunning

To be near the blade of fate

I excuse it softly and it chases me away

From the truth that we share

As brothers in arms

For the beauty of the mistake

When there is too much at stake

To lie within the grace and graciousness

Of His snake, the maker and the all encompassing

Mistake

Pain, rain, gain, stain, main, juice

Try again. Ruin the blade, sing the pain

Away it goes to another day

Which calls again and fades away

In growing disdain

Of the folk, the rural and the urban state

On this plate

Laid straight, I cannot stay awake

For people cry and shake in loose

Buildings held together by golden faith

TOSHAM 

DARKNESS

Even when I breathe I don’t see the point in it

Even when I live I fail to cross my hurdles

Is this pain or the lotus palm I bear upon my soul?

For we are different you and I

And condescending our nature

Ours together will be the future if one might forget

Our inner nature

Trapped together with the creator

We drift toward that which is ours

And that which is asked of us

To do

No wrong and harm no Ram

Is He still our nature

Or did he steal the creator

How mythical and mystical is our generator

Without whom we shiver and shake because we think we are greater

Untitled our miseries be

For none who are greater than themselves

Who see this blood-line?

Upon our souls, ignorant as ever

Ever on toward the creator

Drift the long black lake which becomes greater

And starts to swim in your mind

The co-operator.

TOSHAM

Blue Glory

Love breaks and burns

Slashes and twists

Weaves its dismal agony around Him

But I wait and protect

In austere reject

For King and Country!

My respect

For who am I to tell

What is in this shell?

Of a broken hearted man

So near his demise

That he does not notice

His soiled chemise

And misused robes, rules and drawls

Channelling through me toward my sad device

Of saliva coated empathy

I ramble on swords

Mythical, mystical and divine

So far away from me

I cannot tell

Their spell

Has got a hold on me

Oh deep blue skies

Please open up for me and others

So we can fight

To believe in what is right

As a soldier approaches his death

In a battlefield of joy

Neither regret nor sorrow he feels for the Deepening

Blue skies

All around him are familiar cries

Of roads transferred to premise

Oh Blue Glory

Find me my time

And erase my bad memories

From my tummy, yummy, mummy

And return to me the soldier

Parched respect out of his suicide and solitude divine

For the world he believed in has died

And on to the next one he flies

Like tampons thrown in a dark light

Under a deep blue moonlit sky

TOSHAM

A Wreck-less Soldier Divine

Love lives are strange

They make you want

More and more gain

For where is the pain

When lust has begun

Its game

No miseries to behold

Or tame

I grin at the chagrin

At the mention of her name

Through psychotic lunacy

I reign quietly, steadily and simply

Within my castle walls of shame

Love breathes in its sweet lullabies

Once again, I look, yonder, at having slain

The last red book of pain

Accumulated in the terrain

And awaiting in the rain

That touches me in places profane

I linger on momentarily for her gaze

That lights me ablaze

There is so much to seek

And so little I find

That one grows disdain

In this aching rain

I can’t stop it even if I wanted to

Your pleasure, your pain, is mine

My glory and my reign peaks with you

Sitting atop my chair

And speaks to you

Never doubt me oh Holy one

For what I feel is real pain

It just comes and goes again

All through the night,

In the fading light

Of century old monoliths

Gathering rust, dust, decay and time

For we want to feel

Eternally beloved,

That which we have created

To lose his life

And survive under His gaze

In His name and reign

Hear my rage, my pain

And never stop me again

For I’ll beat it out of you,

With a stick so divine

That was so prejudiced all the time

He will come bouncing off the walls and

Protect you from every insult

Uttered in His name

Oh His pretty wife

Christ, Allah, Shiva and pain

Make me shiver and cower in vain

In this dark sweet melody

Of this transcendence, hail!

Equality is sought by those

Waiting to pay attendance

At his doors

Which are open to all those

Boundless fools enjoying the mirth

Of a century old sore

Yours and yours only be he,

Through time and torture

His methods have taught me

To be brave and conquer

The memory of His demise

Through time and torture

I form into a wreck-less Soldier Divine

TOSHAM 

An Exibition of Paintings.

Movement- As I Understand It

When we participate, when we contribute and bring a little piece to the bigger picture we integrate, we solidify and we understand.
When we capitalize, when we try to gain we fragment, we dissolve, we separate. A small step intended towards personal benefit snowballs into an entire arena created for and the maintenance of greed which after a while cannot be supported and it brings down the entire structure. Growth happens naturally and so does death but enticement, enticement knows no bounds, everything else does.
90 people have died so far due to the cold wave and many more suffer daily. Discomfort brings about the most peculiar feeling of dissent in man, there is no explanation for it. It is a feeling similar and close to death. Mix with it an ideal of covetousness so prevail ant in society today and you inadvertently get crime. What is the source of intelligence that reaches fastest to the poor- cinema. And if there are enticing women dancing there being tastelessly seductive how strong will your resolve be? Considering you have no roof over your head, no money save the little you earn that very day but your desires are abundant. Films are created keeping such people in mind and that is their source of income. It explains the absurd crores meaningless films make. Marketing and Advertising as it is taught today is a direct stroke on ones genitals, B- Schools are famous for it. Culture is defined by how much you can covet, how much you have been able to and how much more you can. Peace is achieved by the ability to gloat. When we begin to look at what black money is, and really understand the processes through which it accumulates we begin to glimpse at what evil looks like. And when the entire picture is shown to you, when the vested interest is in protecting the foundation of this body of lies, when the protectors of this drug turn on you and your sisters and your mothers you learn a little about the meaning of life. You start to wonder how much you really need and where you are headed. What really is the purpose of the movement of time?

Some Paintings